The Most Generic Teen Titans Fic EVER
by Triforce90
Summary: I am making fun of you, Teen Titans fanboys and girls. Oh yes, grovel! Trigon returns and does a bunch of bad stuff, just like he does in every other plot! Will the Titans be able to stop him? Yes, yes they will be.


**The Most Generic Teen Titans Fic EVER**

By Triforce90

A/N: This fic wasn't written to make fun of a specific generic fanfiction. It was made to make fun of **all of them**. I actually love flames, so if something in this fiction makes you want to blow up my house, send some my way. Of course, it's only funny if you actually mean it, so keep that in mind.

TTT

**CHAPTER ONE: The Return of Trigon!**

TTT

It started out, as these things often do, with the return of Trigon.

Many people on the planet Earth (or, specifically, Jump City) wondered if this day would actually come or not. Many citizens believed that Trigon would return on June 6th, 2006, despite textual evidence in the Bible that nothing would happen on that day. Regardless of the textual information, one group of high-class teenagers formed a new religious sect called the Trigon Witnesses and went around door to door, shoving pamphlets in people's faces and asking them to repent. Nobody minded this until the group brought their pamphlets into the public schools, causing the A.C.L.U. to file a lawsuit against the schools for even allowing the kids to enter the building. As usual, justice was served, and the questionable and yet-to-be-proven theory of evolution was defended.

However, the American "Civil Liberties" Union didn't know how right the children actually were. Trigon was indeed going to come back, just not on the suspected date. It was more like five years later.

Nobody actually knew how he came back, though many theories were formed in regards to the event. Many people believed that perhaps Trigon's daughter, Raven, had turned evil in heart and summoned him back through a magical spell. A similar theory held the belief that some of his minions, still loyal to him, brought him back through similar means. There was a more preposterous theory that, while imprisoned in the void between Azarath and Raven's mind, Trigon built a mechanism out of a few bobby pins, a little "hocus pocus" here and there, and six inches of twine.

Either way, one thing was for certain, and that was the fact that Trigon had returned. Never mind the fact that he was Lucifer incarnate and had the power to spring himself out of that vortex his daughter had sent him to as soon as she did it. He had still waited a while.

However, his return wasn't exactly an elegant one. Had any living soul been in the wasteland of Raven's mind at the moment, they would've witnessed the spectacle of a six-foot tall and red demon plummeting to the ground out of the sky at a rate of 95 miles per hour. It wasn't a graceful landing, either, for as soon as Trigon hit the ground he skid along the surface for several hundred yards. It wasn't exactly painless, but being the grand old demon that he was, Trigon survived the fall with barely a scratch.

The demon got off the ground and dusted himself off, looking around as he did so. He was in a place with a brown, desert-esque landscape with a black sky decorated with red stars, which looked like they had been thrown up there in random places by a five-year old. A few dead trees could be seen in the dim horizon, and on their branches he could make out the faint outlines of a flock of ravens.

There was no doubt about it. He was back inside his daughter's mind.

Giving a small cackle of glee, the angry old demon snapped his index finger against his thumb. Within seconds, a black, crippled looking horse came galloping up. This was a Nrocinu, one of the servants of the Dark. One could easily tell that Trigon hadn't invented these creatures in a sober state, but instead in one a person usually goes through after a heavy night of drinking, drug abuse, and mosh pits. It had long, eagle-like wings on the sides of its skinny torso, and one could easily see the spine of the animal running along the top. A broken horn decorated its forehead. Had P.E.T.A seen these creatures, Trigon would certainly be up to his neck in harassment and protests.

The Nrocinu stopped at the side of its master, and Trigon quickly jumped on. The demonic horse seemed to be weighed down, and this was obvious by its sudden lack of ability to walk or fly. It simply stood there, its knees shaking from the sudden weight gain. Trigon, not being the one to really notice the obvious pleas of animals, simply continued to sit on top of his creation.

"Move," he finally said, giving the horse a pat on the side.

The Nrocinu didn't budge.

Trigon was at a loss of what to do. He could've simply teleported himself to his old castle, yes, but that would not have worked. Trigon's powers were weakened by the positive emotions inside his daughter's brain, and she was having a lot of them. The only thing the demon could do with his magic now was shoot little red sparks out of his fingertips, and that was only good for entertaining the little children at birthday parties.

"…Wait a minute."

Trigon held up his index finger and focused his four eyes upon it. The little red sparks came flying out. Giving a shrug, he poked the demon horse in the rump, sparks still flying. The result was what he expected, but a lot more so.

The Nrocinu gave a loud screech and took off, suddenly forgetting about the passenger on his back. Needless to say, Trigon had to hold on to the creature's mane like a schizophrenic child on a merry-go-round, but he was joyous nonetheless.

"**GRAHAHA!**" he shouted as his silver hair flowed in the air behind him. "**VENGEANCE WILL SOON BE MINE!**"

But vengeance would soon _not _be his, for the Lord Trigon found himself in the presence of the Manifestation of Good in Raven's mind.

"In the presence of" meaning handcuffed and dragged bleeding into the manifestation's thrown room, where the demon once sat himself.

"How the **hell **did _you _get back here?" shrieked the manifestation. The woman on the throne resembled Trigon's daughter very well, for she was nothing but all positive emotions rolled up into one cute, cuddly, child-friendly sorceress. She had on a white leotard and a splendid white cape to match.

"Rumor has it that I found six inches of twine," explained the demon from the floor. One of the manifestation's guards, a fire demon that had once served the one on the floor, smacked Trigon on the head with his spear impatiently.

"I ought to banish you again at once!" shouted the essence of Good in front of him. "Or at least let Arella know that you returned. Knowing her, she would have me execute you without mercy." The white-cloaked woman performed the universal decapitation sign upon her throat.

Trigon gasped. "But that would be bad!"

"Yes, Trigon. That would be very bad."

The fire demon conked Trigon on the head once again.

"This isn't how it's supposed to be happening!" Trigon turned his head and looked at the fire demon. "You there! Working slave! You're doing it all wrong!"

The fire demon, and the Manifestation of Good herself, chose only to reply by cocking his head.

"You're not supposed to be working for _her_. You're supposed to drop your spear and leave so you and your fellow fire spirits can come and work for me, helping me in my quest of total conquest and rule!"

"Ha!" scoffed the manifestation. "Nice try, Trigon! Your ex-slaves would _never _leave me!"

"Um… actually," began the fire demon, "that thing about total conquest and rule sounded pretty good…"

Another fire demon, who was guarding the door at the time and had remained silent, nodded his head. "Yeah, yeah. Spot on, George. I agree."

Needless to say, Good's mouth dropped open.

"Are you telling me," she began, "that you would leave your ruler to work again for the guy who oppressed you? You would leave _me_, the one who gave you freedom to privileges, to work for _him_, the one who used you and wouldn't give you anything in thanks? You're leaving _me_, the freakin' manifestation of all things good?"

"Um…" began the fire demon with the spear. "Yes?"

"Drat." The manifestation frowned as she was chained and dragged out of the room.

TTT

Trigon's yellow eyes beamed with delight as he stood on a balcony before his army of glow-in-the-dark fire demons. They all stood below him, looking up at their new leader in anticipation, though obviously trying their hardest not to stare at the new and spiffy Palace of Hell and Eternal Darkness standing behind them.

"You were all very wise to return me to the throne, so that I may lead you once again to victory over the universe!"

"YES SIR!" shouted the demon hoard in front of him, a few of them still fixed on the new palace.

"The Manifestation of Good is now locked in my dungeon, where she will stay there to practically rot while a few of my men beat her with whips and poke her repeatedly with large, pointed objects! The Teen Titans of the planet Earth will be captured, and my daughter, Raven of Azarath, will be slain!"

"YES… SIR!" The reply was a bit more enthusiastic. Some of the younger demons blushed, as much as a demon made of fire could blush, anyway. Raven was actually quite cute.

Trigon, on the other hand, was delighted with his plans. If everything went accordingly, he would kill off the annoying foursome that considered themselves to be Raven's "friends" and then bring his daughter here, where he would impale her with various spears and hang her up on a wall, serving as a grotesque reminder about his cursed offspring and doubling as a conversation piece when guests came over for dinner.

"I shall then require a meeting between myself and higher ranking officials," Trigon continued to explain to the crowd, "so that I may catch up to what has been going on under your previous leader and explain to them what had happened to me whilst I was imprisoned. I shall then require a cleansing of the army so that no coward or Raven fangirl is in site!"

Several of the fire demons frowned. Had Trigon known it, if he got rid of every demon in his army that was a Raven fangirl he would have only around a hundred men and a quartet of traditionalist soldiers whose combined age would have been around 263 years.

"Now then," started Trigon after he noticed the looks on several faces in the audience. "Are there any questions on the plan going forward?"

A fire demon raised his hand.

"Yes… Johnson."

"You haven't even told us the plan yet."

There was a brief moment of silence as Trigon blinked his four eyes several times. The fire demons in the crowd anticipated his answer.

"We will invade the planet Earth and smite the humans with fire," answered Trigon after a five-second pause. "Anymore questions?"

No one raised a hand.

"Good… Be back in a few."

Trigon left the balcony and entered the Palace of Hell and Eternal Darkness. The army below, not given a command to move out, remained where they stood, some beginning to get nervous about their invasion. Last time they did such a thing they ended up getting their asses whooped, and then some.

Right now as they stood there, shifting around in boredom and wondering when they could leave, Trigon marched down the halls of his Palace of Hell and Eternal Darkness. He smirked in content, proud of himself for just having conquered the land once again and throwing that meddlesome Manifestation of Good in the dungeons. Perhaps now she would understand his power and his refusal to give up that easily.

Trigon approached a door and threw it open quickly, entering a conference room of sorts. A long oak table took up much of the room below an onyx chandelier, which possessed candles burning black flames. At the head of the table was a throne nearly identical to the one in Trigon's throne room; the only difference was that this one lacked the large, purple stone embedded in the headrest of the other. Taking a seat in the special chair, he looked down the table and nodded in approval. The higher ranking officials that he had spoken of earlier had showed up without a problem.

To his right was his right-hand man, Sharava, counselor and assistant. To the left was General Marcashua, the military strategist that planned all battles and maneuvers. On the General's left sat Jotira, who was in charge of "keeping the peace" if anybody ever got out of line. Most of the time the General would keep anything from happening, and this was a very good thing; Jotira had recently suffered from an injury that left him speechless and completely immobile. Though Trigon tried to appoint others to take his place, nobody wanted the job.

"Right then," began the big demon. He reached for a monocle and put it on. "Thanks for showing up."

"May I be the first to say," began Sharava, "that I am very relieved to have you back as our ruler."

"Thank you. Now shut up and pay attention." Trigon cleared his throat. "I assume that you all know of my plan to take over Earth… again."

"Yes," began Marcashua, rubbing his demonish chin. "I must say that the idea of invading the Earth and smiting the citizens with fire is a rather… creative approach to the situation. Well done, Sir."

"Jotira, what do you think?"

"…" answered Jotira.

"I thought you would say that." Trigon shimmied in his throne a bit before clearing his throat once again. "Now then, since we've got our plan clear, I-"

"A question, Lord," interrupted Sharava.

"Yes. Go on."

"Is that all you're going to do? Invade the earth and smite the people with fire?"

"Well, I was going to kidnap Raven first, but yes, that's pretty much it." Trigon cleared his throat and began to explain his evil plan in detail, just as all good villains do, whether by themselves or in the presence of anyone, villain or hero. "What I'm going to do is stuff the Manifestation of Good into a portal so that she is sent out of Raven's mind. After I do this, I will be the only "emotion", Anger, inside of her. Such an imbalance in her body will cause her to want to look insider her mirror so that she could find out what was going on with her emotions. Once she does this, a vortex will pull her into the mirror and into my Palace of Hell and Eternal Darkness, where she will be my prisoner. We will then wait until the appropriate time to invade Earth and smite the people with fire, killing her friends as well."

Trigon beamed at his plan. Sharava and Marcashua both looked at each other as if something was wrong.

"You're looking at each other as if something was wrong," said Trigon, his grin disappearing after he noticed the two. "Tell me what troubles you."

"Is it necessary to wait until we invade Earth?" asked Marcashua.

"Well, it wouldn't be necessary, but it would still be better. I plan on killing her beforehand, but if I want to be dramatic and villain-like, I think I should wait. Don't all arch-villains wait until they kill their victims?"

"If we're talking in terms of the Mario brothers, yes," replied Sharava.

"Hmm… I like the Mario brothers."

"Of course, a villain like… hell, I don't know, **Freddie** would just kill everyone right then and there."

"That movie sucked," responded Trigon, giving a thumbs down. "That settles it, then. We wait awhile before we invade the earth."

"If I may change your plans just a little, I think acting like Freddie would be a bit of a better plan," objected Marcashua.

"Why do you say this?" asked Trigon, a tad annoyed that his officials were questioning him, despite the fact Marcashua _did_ have the brains when it came to battle.

"Well," began Marcashua, beginning to use his hands to elaborate. He usually did this whenever he was trying to explain something… kind of like a Greek person. "If you wait a while before killing Raven, that would give her friends plenty of time to realize that she was gone. They're rather close to her, you know."

"True," Trigon agreed.

"They would find out that Raven was missing, and it's a possibility that they could also find out how to get her back and put a stop to you. Now, like Sharava, I think you-"

"Whoa, wait," interjected Trigon. "What do you mean by getting her back and stopping me? I'm _invincible_ if Raven can't do anything."

"You do have a weakness, sir, as hard as it is to admit," pointed out Sharava. "There are a number of items called Elemental Stones." Sharava put a hand up to his chin in thought. "Of course, now that I think of it, there are six of them, and they can only do something if they're together."

"Oh, that's so typical!" shouted Trigon as he swatted at Sharava as if trying to put the words back into his mouth. "Why is it that _every _good villain has to have some kind of weakness like that?"

"I don't know," answered Sharava with little interest in his master's question. "But the thing is, once these stones are combined, they create **TeH sUpEr DuPeR lEeT sToNe**!"

Trigon raised an eyebrow. "Teh Super Duper Leet Stone?"

"No! You must say the name in alternative capitalization and bold font! That is the only way people will know what you're talking about."

Trigon raised an eyebrow. "OK… So, these Elemental Stones. What all do they do besides make **TeH sUpEr DuPeR lEeT sToNe**?"

"Um…" Sharava looked at his comrades, who shrugged. "They're not that unpleasing to look at, so you could use some as jewelry. They also make great paperweights."

Trigon's eyes lowered. "How disturbingly boring. However, I suppose that if Raven's comrades _did _get these Elemental Stones and formed **TeH sUpEr DuPeR lEeT sToNe**, they could come and best me, correct?"

"Correct."

"Well, what could we do about that?"

Sharava thought it over. "We could do what every other villain has done in a similar situation."

"Which is…?"

"Find the stones and keep them locked away in your castle so that Raven's friends couldn't get to it without coming here first. Then, you smite them."

"I've already been smote before, and that was without the stones… Of course, they had Raven."

"The matter isn't that important, Lord Trigon," responded Marcashua. "Besides, we already have one of the Elemental Stones in our possession."

"O RLY?" asked Trigon, giving his general a surprised look.

"YA RLY!" Marcashua grinned. "Surely you know of it. It's that large, purple stone that is embedded into the headrest of your throne."

"Yeah?" Trigon grinned. He knew of the stone quite well. "That's an Elemental Stone, is it?"

"Now that I think of it," began Sharava, "yes, it is." He grinned. "That would be none other than the Shadow Stone. It allows the wielder to control the darkness and-"

"Whoa, wait." Trigon put a hand in the air, prompting his advisor to stop. "I thought you just said they didn't have much of a purpose by themselves."

"Ah! _Much _of a purpose! By themselves, they _can _do stuff… just not a whole lot. For instance, the Fire Stone allows you to, I don't know…light candles, and the Water Stone lets you put the candles out, or water your _Chia Pet_."

"Oh." Trigon frowned, but grinned once again. "How good's the Shadow Stone?"

"Not that good. Do you know of _Captain Planet_?"

"Yes."

"The Shadow Stone is the equivalent to the power of Heart…"

"Oh. So it's useless."

"Pretty much. You can dim the lights for dances and stuff… However, when their powers combine, they make **TeH sUpEr DuPeR lEeT sToNe**!"

"So I'm pretty much set."

"I would say so, yes. However, if the Titans found out that you had one of the Elemental Stones, they could very well figure out how to get here and snatch it. Then you would have a problem."

"Yes… What do you advise I do?"

Sharava blinked. "I don't know… Maybe cause a problem for all of the people who have some kind of connection to one of the stones? For instance, one of the Elemental Stones, the Leaf Stone, is found inside a deep jungle… The only people that know its location would be a tribe of humans just outside its resting area. You could… I don't know, burn their village down or something."

"So I should do whatever I can to make it harder for the Titans to get the stones… That is, if they try to get them anyway."

"You're kind of putting words into my mouth, but yeah, go ahead."

Trigon rubbed his hands together. "Good… Good…"

The four sat in silence for a while, Trigon still deep inside evil-scheme mode. However, General Marcashua soon raised his hand.

"Yes, General?" asked Trigon, still in evil-scheme mode.

"At what time will you be putting these plans to action?"

"Probably tomorrow. I think I need a while to warm up to things… Plus, at the moment, my army is practically _in love_ with me, so-"

"No… I meant, in which part of your operation do you plan on wrecking havoc on those with connections?"

"Oh. Probably after I kidnap my daughter. Like I said, I am much stronger when she can't do anything about it, and since she'll be here, and the Manifestation of Good will be rotting in some unknown dimension… there's no telling what I could do." Trigon gave a wicked smile.

"Besides wrecking havoc on-"

"Those with connections, yeah."

The four sat in silence once more. Finally, Sharava stood up.

"Well…" he said, stretching. "I guess I'll be hitting the old dusty trail…"

The General stood up as well. "Yes. Me too. Come along Jotira. Let's go keep the peace." The General grabbed hold of Jotira's wheelchair and spun him out of the room. Jotira's lopsided head gave a crazy smile.

Trigon was left sitting by himself. After a couple of seconds, he too got up and left.

…And… that's the end of Chapter One…

**Best. Ending. Ever.**


End file.
